Talia was training for a half-Ironman when she messaged me on OkCupid to ask:

“…Of all the erotic sentences you wrote during that post-college stint, would you mind sharing your all-time favorite?”

It turns out my favorite line of smut is also the best line I’ve ever written:

“I felt like I was all dick, and no humanity.”

One regret I have about quitting my job as an erotic fiction writer so many years ago is that I never explored the eroticism of a perfect Caesar salad. I never even compared the dressing to semen. And the simile is so obvious!

One regret I have about quitting my job as an erotic fiction writer so many years ago is that I never got to use the following line in a story:

She sucked me so hard, my beard went back into my face.